When you have been in an abusive relationship in the past, you tend to be more cautious about who you enter into a relationship with in the future. It can be common for victims of previous abusive relationships to fall into a repeat pattern, but anyone can become a victim of these types of relationships. Whether you have or have not been in this kind of a relationship, there are some signs showing a potential abusive man that will help you protect yourself.
Warning Signs of an Abusive Man
Speaks negatively of their exes
Many past relationships can bring up some bitter feelings, but for someone who is abusive, it is more than bitterness. Abusive men will still hold onto the anger they have for their exes and will constantly make this known. These past relationships of his will also have hidden clues to his abuse where he may even say that their ex “falsely” accused them of abuse.
Passes the blame to others
While he probably has many victims of his abuse, that doesn't mean he doesn't play the victim himself, a lot. He never takes responsibilities for his mistakes and always passes the blame to someone else, most often this will be the person he is in the relationship with. This doesn't just occur in the relationship - it is someone else's fault he doesn't have a job, gets fired, is running late, even the smallest things, he won't admit that he made the mistake. He plays the victim role himself too well.
Eager to commit
An abusive man will be eager to make you commit. They will seem like the perfect person and be incredibly charming to lure you in. Most often victims of abusive relationship only knew their abuser for a very short period of time before entering into the relationship. They will tell you that they have never felt this way for someone else before and will make you feel guilty for not wanting to commit as quickly until you eventually do.
Insecure and jealous
Anytime you go out, he accuses you of cheating; he doesn't like the people you hang out with and just overreacts anytime you even speak to someone else. These are some of the first clear signs of an abusive man to look out for. These insecurities and jealousy will quickly turn into him showing up where you say you are going, just to make sure you aren't lying.
An abuser will often have unrealistic expectations about the person they are in a relationship with. They will expect their victim to be there and meet all of their needs. You are the only one that can make them happy and they will often say that if you did love them, then you will take better care of them.
Dismiss your opinions
It may seem like harmless teasing at first, but it will become more malicious as the relationship continues. If you notice he belittles, disrespects, or blatantly ignores your opinions or beliefs, he's abusive.
He won't show this side of himself right away, but he may hint at it here and there. If he thinks men are superior to women, then he will be sure to let you know that his needs, goals, career, and wants are more important than yours. Abusive men will have strict ideas or beliefs on gender rules and he will slowly begin to make you feel as though you cannot function as a person without him.
Abusive towards animals or children
His abuse isn't just limited towards women. Men who are abusive towards their partners are more likely to be abusive towards children as well. He will treat animals aggressively, violently and inhumanely. He will punish children for things out of the child's control like wetting a diaper or falling when they are just beginning to walk.
Sudden mood swings or overly sensitive
One of the signs of an abusive man includes how quickly his mood and temperament changes. You may feel like you are walking on eggshells around him because of how suddenly his mood can change. Eventually, you may even feel afraid to be around him because you never know what might set his explosive behavior off.
The abuse doesn't have to just be physical, most times it is the verbal abuse that starts first. Men who are abusive will find ways to put you down all the time. They may not do it so bluntly at first or all the time, but you will notice comments that he makes that are meant to make you feel insecure or inferior.
Controlling with sex
Just as with all his other needs, an abuser will expect you to satisfy him in the bedroom as well, whenever he wants it. When it comes to sex, an abusive man will care very little if you want to have sex and will demand sex even if you are ill, tired, or just not in the mood.
Keeps you isolated
You may notice how your abuser seems to have an issue with everyone you know; family, friends, coworkers? He'll begin to demand you stop hanging out with certain friends, accuse your family of trying to break you two up, keep your phone away from you, and slowly will begin to keep you more and more isolated.
Have a past of violence
One of the clear signs of an abusive man is his past abusive behavior. He may admit to being abusive in his past relationships, but justifies the abuse by blaming the other person for making him do it or blame it on the situation or environment. Remember, the abuser won't take the blame for his actions, so there will always be an excuse.
He may begin to speak more violently towards you or threaten to harm you in some way. Even if the threats sound impossible or over exaggerated, take them seriously. An abusive man will use threats of violence as a means to control you even more.