Things seem to be going perfectly in your relationship. You've found your ideal guy, he's sweet, supportive, goes out of his way to do things for you and you couldn't be happier. But, all of the sudden he says he needs space. You are completely shocked and caught off guard. What could he need space from? Does this mean he wants to break up? Did you do something wrong? Before you continue to torture yourself with the endless question, take a moment to breath. He may just need some time to himself and this article will help reveal just what you should do when he wants space.
What to Do When He Wants Space
He feels a lack of control.
He does or says: He might come out and say “You're always in my space” or “I just need time for myself for a bit”.
He means: As relationships grow, often times partners will put their own personal needs to the back burner to please the other person. He might be feeling a lack of control over his life because he is trying to uphold the picturesque idea of the perfect family guy you might have painted. When he asks for space, it is really just a plea to let him have some time with the guys or to put some focus on a hobby that is all his own.
What to do: What to do when he wants space in this scenario? Reevaluate how things are run in your home together. Try not to defend your idea of how things are supposed to run or take too much control planning how the weekends are spent. While constantly ordering him around can be part of the problem, it is more likely that there isn't a 50/50 approach to things. Allow him more time to enjoy himself without feeling guilty, which will ultimately rejuvenate the relationship.
You had a recent argument.
He does or says: If you guys recently had an argument and he has walked away saying “I'm tired of arguing” or “just have it your own way”.
He means: There are two main reasons why couples end up in arguments like this, either they constantly are fighting over every little thing or the woman is angry all the time because she feels neglected or unheard. He might just be tired of all the arguing and attempt to avoid any more blowouts. He needs time to heal his wounds from your most recent blowout but, he might also be questioning if the arguments you have been having are a sign that the relationship is in trouble.
What to do: When you find yourself in constant disagreements, the best solution is to focus on what is working. Instead of going off on another argument, point out how your relationship has been successful. The need for space when there are constant arguments is necessary as a form of time out, so both of you can cool off and approach the disagreement with a calmer attitude.
He feels pressured.
He does or says: Is he spending more on guy things or staying out late after saying he want his own time? He might mention that he is fed up with putting everyone first.
He means: Men will almost never ask for help in solving their own problems when they get overly stressed and instead will pretend everything is OK while overcompensating with other things. They will put themselves into their work, may begin drinking more and slowly become more depressed. Most often this is brought on from another outside factor from the relationship like a setback at work or a death in the family. Having to deal with the other stresses in his life will have him feel under a lot of pressure and on the verge of a breakdown. The anticipation from you and the responsibilities of taking care of the children might be the final straw.
What to do: What to do when he wants space in this condition? Try not to take his need for space personally. Take his choice as priority. The best way to provide him help is to offer it when he asks help. Simply offer to cut back on some spending, let him have some extra hours at the office and talk about the changes you both are willing to make to keep a happy life together.
He's questioning his ability to stay committed.
He does or says: “We've grown apart” is what he might be saying while he takes extra time to get ready.
He means: He and a work colleague may have crossed a line and are sharing more than just numbers at work. Maybe he has found someone that he is sharing how unhappy he is with his home life with? While this isn't an ideal situation, take comfort in knowing that if he is asking for space, he hasn't crossed the line by having a full blown affair. He is letting you know that he feels the relationship is in trouble and at the same time has taken it upon himself to see what other opportunities he may have.
What to do: Don't immediately jump to the assumption that he has already had an affair and try not to accuse him of such an act. Instead, ask question about who he might be sharing things with or if there is someone he is spending extra time with. Taking this subtle approach can help get to what is the actual problem in the relationship before he acts out on any urges.
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