Sex is supposed to be fun, pleasurable and leave you wanting more. Unfortunately, not every person looks at sex the same way. Not being able to orgasm while having sex can make sex feel more like a chore for both persons involved. Don't fret though, "why can't I orgasm" is a common asked question many people face and it is something that can be easily fixed. Read on to learn what is holding you back from really enjoying sex and a few tips to help you reach the climax.

Why Can't You Orgasm?


Not enough foreplay

Women need about 20 minutes of foreplay to get them to peak arousal mode while most men are ready to go within minutes. Skipping on the foreplay can make it more difficult for women to climax.


Mental distractions

Sometimes we just get stuck in our own heads when we are trying to get it on. Thinking too much during sex can hinder your ability to have an orgasm. Since sex is an intimate act, we often become self-conscience about how we look, if we are doing it right and if our partner is really enjoying themselves. The best thing to do is to tune out all the other distractions and focus on what feels good.


Trying too many positions at once

Changing it up can be a great way to spice up your sex life but that doesn't mean you should try everything all at once. Changing positions too often can make it harder for you to orgasm since you never settle into something that feels really good.


Not getting enough water

You need plenty of fluid to make sex enjoyable, so you don't want to skip the water. Drinking plenty of water will supply the arousal tissues with the right amount of fluids it needs to function properly and make orgasmic easier.


You're not being vocal

Why can't I orgasm? It might be a result of how vocal you are. If you aren't being vocal enough, it can take longer and be more difficult for you to orgasm. Don't try to quiet your sounds of pleasure instead fully embrace the excitement and let it out.


Forget to pee

Becomes sexually aroused can also stimulate your other organs, like your bladder. Not peeing before you have sex can result in you feeling like you have to pee while having sex. So you spend your time focused on holding in the pee instead of letting go and enjoying the moment.


Low Oxytocin levels

Oxytocin is the feel good hormone your body produces and you might not be producing enough of it. If you are overly stressed or anxious, it can lower the oxytocin levels and make it hard to orgasm. Luckily, the more time you spend with your partner and being intimate can increase the level.


It's your footwear

If you wear high heels regularly, this can have an affect on your ability to orgasm. High heels can affect the pelvic floor and psoas muscles which make it harder to send arousal signals to the brain.


You sit too long during the day

If you spend most of your day sitting behind a desk, then you could be shortening the pelvic muscles. While this can take months or years to notice the effects, sitting for prolonged periods of time each day can make it harder to orgasm.



Blood pressure medications, birth control, and some antidepressants can have a negative effect on your sex life. Drugs that interfere with the prolactin levels in your body can make it harder for you to enjoy sex and decrease your ability to self-lubricate which will result in more painful sex.


You don't please yourself enough

 Why can't I orgasm? It is probably related to how often you please yourself. Masturbating allows you to use your imagination and fantasize about what really pleases you and this will make being with your partner more enjoyable.


You don't communicate with your partner

The key to an amazing sex life is being open with your partner about what you like and what feels good. If you are too shy to let your partner know what really turns you on, then this can be the main reason you are not reaching your climax in the act.

Any Tips to Help Achieve Orgasm?

You want to know if there is anything you can do to reach your climax instead of just why it happens. Try some of these tips for more pleasure in the bedroom.

  • Keep your mind focused on the act by having a sexual fantasy in mind.

  • Change up the way you masturbate, which will lead to finding new ways to please yourself and be more open to the ways your partner tries to please you.

  • Be more intimate with your partner. Saying your partner's name and looking into their eyes during sex will keep you focused on the sensations you are feeling.

  • Train your brain to refocus on the act. Your mind will wander during sex and this is common, but you want to learn how to refocus your attention on the act instead of letting it continuous wonder.

  • Take an honest look at what could be mentally blocking you from reaching an orgasm. Then answer to "why can't I orgasm" might have to do with the fact that you suspect your partner is cheating or that they have hurt you in some way recently. Or it could be something you have done. Subconsciously, you might be knowing something that is keeping you from reaching your orgasm.

  • Communicate more with your partner about what you like and don't hesitate to guide him to where you want to be touched.

  • Don't forget about other parts of your body that can help you reach peak arousal. The breast and nipples especially can enhance your sexual experience.

  • Set a relaxing environment by lighting candles, putting on some music or drawing up a bubble bath. Relaxation is a major factor to being able to climax.


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