Jealousy is a relationship killer. A lot of relationships have ended because of conflicts brought about by jealousy. There have even been cases where someone has maimed or even killed their significant other because they are jealous and probably suspect cheating, which is mostly untrue.
If you are in a relationship and are the jealous type, you can salvage your relationship before it’s too late. Simply learn how to not be jealous.
Signs That You Are Jealous
When you’re jealous, you will feel as though a situation or someone is threatening your value - in this case your relationship. As a result, you will develop feelings of anger and anxiety and suddenly become suspicious of your spouse. This might prompt you into following up on every detail of your partner’s daily life. As the jealousy intensifies, you will find that you may start trying to control your partner.
You become oversensitive, overprotective and over possessive. With time, these issues start to interfere with your relationship and how you relate with your partner. In some cases, people try to control who their partner interacts with, places they visit, and even how they spend their time.
Harms Caused By Jealousy
Most relationships start on a positive note. However, as time goes by, jealousy can creep in and destroy the bliss and innocence that once was. While it is sometimes healthy, in some cases it’s not. It is important to learn to tell when jealousy becomes dangerous in your relationship.
Apart from saving your relationship, there are other reasons you should stop being jealous. Jealousy can be harmful to your health. When you start obsessing over your spouse, you develop sleeping problems and also lose your appetite for food. The emotional turmoil you undergo because of jealousy is similar to that experienced by people suffering from anxiety.
In some cases, jealousy has resulted to development of depression. If you realize that you are becoming unrealistically jealous, here are a few tips that can help you to overcome jealousy before it causes you harm.
Tips on How to Not Be Jealous
Find out What Situations Make You Jealous
It may be when your spouse leaves you to hang out with his friends or when he becomes overly sensitive towards other people. Whatever situation it is, could be one or more, take note of them.
Talk To Your Parterner about It
Once you realize your jealousy is getting out of hand and what situations trigger it, you need to talk to your partner about it. You need to do this without blaming them for it. Tell them why you feel jealous and worried.
Replace Negative Thoughts with Positive Ones
When you are jealous, it is probably because you imagine your spouse might be attracted to another person better than you. Whenever you feel those negative thoughts creeping in, immediately replace them with positive ones. While the other person might be prettier or taller or better looking, remember that your spouse chose you, not them and that they love you not them. They can never be you, and that is why they chose you.
Don’t Start the Blame Game
One of the most unattractive things you can do is to blame your spouse for your jealousy and insecurity. Don’t start accusing them of things they haven’t done. Instead, find a way to deal with your jealousy feelings without making your partner a scapegoat.
Remember How Great Your Relationship Is
When you feel jealousy creeping in, start focusing on your relationship’s positives. Remind yourself how you two came to be and what you have had to overcome to be where you are. Your spouse has stood by you through good and bad situations; you have invested in each other and are happy together. Realize that they are not ready to just throw all that away for someone else.
You Don’t Have To React To Jealous Feelings
You do not have to react to every emotion you feel. When you feel jealous, it is a good idea to remain calm. When you give in to the urge to react to your jealousy, you might just cause a scene and embarrass yourself in the process. Stop focusing too much on what your spouse is doing and do other things.
Get Over Your Past Experiences
Sometimes, our past experiences play a big role in how we relate to other people. If your ex cheated on you, or you have a past that involves unfaithful lovers, this could be the reason you doubt your current partner. Remember that your current partner is different from the past ones. Learn to trust them and get rid of the relationship baggage that causes your jealousy and doubt. This is how to not be jealous.
You need to give your spouse the benefit of doubt. If they have not given you a reason to doubt them, then don’t allow your mind to play games with you. Choose to trust them as opposed to doubting very little thing they do.
Don’t Try the Payback Game
While jealousy might drive you to do insane things, you need to learn to control your emotions. One thing you might try to do in retaliation is to make your spouse jealous as well. Trying to flirt with other people in front of your spouse will only create issues between you two. It is also childish and will probably lead to a breakup. Bear in mind that whatever triggered the jealousy might not have been done intentionally. It was probably your mind playing games. There are better ways of dealing with the issue rather than trying to get back at them.
Find Other Things You Like Doing Away From Your Spouse
Spending too much time with your spouse can be a good breeding ground for jealousy. While you may enjoy each other’s company, try and find other things you love to do way from them. This will help you deal with your over protectiveness and selfishness when it comes to sharing your spouse’s time with other people. Remember that you had a life before you two met and this shouldn’t change. This is a good strategy for how to not be jealous.