There are many problems and disagreements you will run into in any relationship. One of the biggest issues you might face may have to do with money. From not saving enough to not agreeing on what to spend, dating a guy with financial problems might be a deal breaker for you. Before you decide to end the relationship, consider these tips on how to deal with a guy who seems to be on a different financial page with you if you think you are good for each other in other aspects.
How Do You Know You Are Dating a Man with Financial Problems and What Can You Do for That?
His Debt Is Not Being Managed.
You'd be hard to find someone who didn't have some debt they are paying off. From credit cards to student loan debt, having a manageable amount of debt is perfectly fine. However, if the guy you are dating has more debt than he can pay off, this is a sign of trouble. Even worse is, if he has a significant amount of debt and has no plan to pay it off.
What Should You Do?
Just because he has a major amount of debt doesn't mean you need to end the relationship. Instead, come up with a budget and financial plan together that will help reduce the debt. Tackle the issues of how they got into so much debt and the best way to pay it off.
He Has No Spending Limit.
As soon as he has any money, it is gone. Whether it's on some new technology, hanging out with the guys or going out to a nice dinner, he spends money without a second thought. He has no limit to his spending and tends to overspend which can be lead to a major strain on the relationship.
What Should You Do?
Spending money he doesn't necessarily have can be because of a number of reasons. If you are dating a guy with financial problems, the first step to take is to let him know that his spending habits do not make you feel comfortable. Then you want to have a serious conversation about why he spends so much. Most overspending is due to some form of emotional gratification he gains from spending. If you can figure out the emotional reason, you can begin to come up with alternative ways for him to achieve this same emotional satisfaction.
Your Views on Money and Spending Are Different.
He is constantly spending money while you are more worried about saving. While you don't have to agree fully on how you both spend your money, if you have completely opposite views on money, this can lead to a number of relationship problems.
What Should You Do?
You don't need to put one person in charge of the finances, but set up a budget where you each contribute an equal share to the household bills and savings. Setting up a limit of how much of the money is yours or his to spend freely and an amount that goes towards both the bills can help you come to a mutual agreement on what should and should not be spent.
He Is Often Unemployed.
Losing a job once can happen, losing multiple jobs is another problem. If your guy seems to be unemployed more than he is employed, this should be a concern. While the economy can be to blame in some instances, if he is being fired or quitting his jobs regularly, this can be a sign of unreliability and lack of responsibility.
What Should You Do?
Dating a guy with financial problems because he can't hold a job for long can be a major problem in many relationships. If his lack of employment is due to the type of work he does or a recession, you need to express your concerns to him. If he gets defensive or just gives you another excuse, then you might want to recommend that he seek help.
He's Not Interested in Getting Married.
Not every guy sees themselves walking down the aisle and this isn't always because of his financial situation. This can, however, indicate a commitment issue and not just with you. Marriage is known to help improve finances and can bring couples closer together as they pool their fund for savings and making plans to invest in their future together.
What Should You Do?
You may be on the same page as far as marriage goes and you may agree that marriage isn't something you want, but that doesn't mean you should be building a future together. Putting you month into savings together so you can buy a home, take a vacation or achieve a lifestyle you both want is something you might want to discuss with your guy.
He's Gone Through a Bankruptcy or Foreclosure.
A bankruptcy or past foreclosure is often a relationship killer. While it may have happened years ago, both of these scenarios indicate their finances go so out of hand that they had no other option. When you consider that a bankruptcy can hinder his career and get you turned down for a loan for the next ten years, this is something that will have a major impact on your future together.
What Should You Do?
Dating a guy with financial problems that include bankruptcy or foreclosure, you want to discuss what the cause of the bankruptcy or foreclosure was. Sometimes it can be from unexpected medical expenses or divorce. Consider whether or not the behavior that causes the financial crisis is likely to be repeated.
He's Lied About His Finances.
You found out about a new credit card or a secret bank account. Maybe you saw a recent pay stub where he is making more money than he admits to making or caught him withdrawing money from your account, which are all red flags in any relationship. This can have you questioning what else he is keeping from you.
What Should You Do?
Maybe you have some financial secrets you need to be honest about as well. When it comes to hiding financial information, this is more of a trust problem that can get out of hand quickly. If you want to build an honest relationship with this guy, then you need to sit down and talk about all the things both of you may be keeping from each other.
He Always Seems to Ask Others for Money.
Have you noticed that he always seems to be asking friends or family to loan him some money? He makes promises to repay the money but never does? This can be a concern for a number of reasons, one of which is he might think the world owes him something that he doesn't have to work for or pay back.
What Should You Do?
Have a stern talk with him. The best way to approach this situation is to tell him how his borrowing, especially if he has money, is a concern. You might want to recommend a therapist if his behavior doesn't seem to change.
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